This is number one through six in a six-part series. In this episode, I examine who I am. What does that mean? When should I stop writing? Where will I take this? Why should you care? How will you react?
I am an anti-subordinate.
I am not inferior.
I am not superior.
I have been studying biology for around 55 years, and so have you. I might remember more.
I am a racist and — if you have left the womb — so are you.
I struggle with my racism every day and there are days when I fail to keep it in check. On those days I avoid white people altogether. This was easier during the pandemic.
I know what race means (it means “variation” or “breed”) and I know that many — if not most — people hold an incorrect view of race and therefore of racism. My view is the correct view…duh!
I am not a bigot. Bigotry is for insecure people who require subordination to justify their own pitiful existence.
I´m pretty sure I´m not insecure.
I ain´t stoopit, but I have acted stupid from time to time.
I am an actor, specifically an improv actor. I used to be a professional clown.
I am slow. Excruciatingly slow. But I´m not fat.
I do fall behind from time to time, but I always come out ahead.
I am a survivor, which has lead me to learn to garden, to cook, to make bread and cake from scratch. I am not a survivalist, so I don´t own a firearm.
I avoid processed food and processed drink. Except for beer. I do not avoid beer, yet beer is processed drink.
Sometimes I exercise for its own sake (yoga-related exercise), but mostly I like to putter (that´s white man talk for get shit done with no real plan).
I don´t care about punctuation — but I like it!
Words like “very”, “interesting” and “really” should never appear in writing that matters to the writer. By avoiding these words in one´s written presentation, one protects the reader from boredom.
I know why there is wind and I know why wind is important.
I know why there is water and I know why water is important.
Ibid on energy, autotrophs & heterotrophs, fungi & bacteria, viruses and microbes, eukaryotic & prokaryotic cells and their offspring.
I know what “haploid” and “diploid” mean and why we are fortunate that these two systems exist side-by-side and cooperate with one another so well by respecting each other´s constantly changing status.
I know what status is and I know what it means and I know how managing status in oneself and others leads to joyful, harmonious relationships that last.
I know why I smoke two cigarettes per day but that´s my secret.
I know why cannabis gets me high.
Ibid on alcohol and drugs in general. This knowledge keeps me from substance addiction every day.
I know why language developed and why it will continue to develop and I know why our very existence as humans depends on this constant.
I know how to play many different games and I like games. Professional sports is not a game.
I can juggle three objects of any shape as long as I can see them clearly and lift them easily.
I know how to select and operate many tools, which means I can learn to operate any tool.
I know how to relate to other people (with the exception of pathological liars), to animals wild and domestic. The way I relate to bears is to avoid them.
I like to travel but my first question before selecting a new place to see is “are there bears?”
Like most people I take great pleasure in stealing stuff, including intellectual as well as real property. Stealing makes you feel clever and feeling clever is a basic human need. So I steal because I´m a basic human. Catch me if you can.
I have many brothers and many sisters but I only have one partner and she actually married me a long time ago and never left :-). I love her even more than I love others — and there are many others I love.
I´m good at many things but if you´re willing to pay me, I can become even better at the thing you´re paying me for.
I keep my promises and pay my debts. This has helped me thrive.
I tend to take initiative, which means I tend to get taken advantage of.
I do have a few regrets, especially regarding my past unwillingness to face my anger, my lack of self-control in this regard and all of the poor decisions that have arisen repeatedly as a result. Luckily, I never kept firearms.
I love and respect my three children. What I mean is that I respect the adults my children have become and my respect is wrapped in a very thick and soft blanket of love.
I am the only person I know who has officially had three different family names and I cherish this fun fact even as I shake my head about the sheer chaos that some family members have found themselves in.
I am a person who has forgiven his parents, which is why I am free.
I miss my dead brother almost every day. If that´s a downer for you, I apologize. Thinking about Fritz makes me happy. He was no bigot, either.
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-Nikolay is a husband, father, brother, teacher, beekeeper, gardener and writer. Someone else built my house, but I watched and learned.